Retrospective

I'm not embarrassed to admit that when I while away my time online, I indulge in fanvids. These videos are very much like fanfiction. Most of the them are really bad, most of the time you will be embarrassed if someone catches you in the act and most of the ones that are worthwhile post infrequently once the show/movie passes its prime.

The ones I like best tend to make me want to re-watch the show/movie including the one I watched tonight about 50/50. This movie was a great, quiet film. I described it to friends as "what Funny People was trying to be". Finding humor in the trials of life that seem so scary. What else is there to do but laugh? Because crying will come soon. Crying is just under the surface. But for now, laughter feels so much better than crying.

Don't Forget Me

Pretty sure it's half operator error and half actual camera, but the pictures for last week's Neko Case concert came out less than stellar (surely, this is not a trend, right?).

The first time I saw Neko Case in concert (performing solo) was at the Twilight Concert Series. My sister and I bemoaned the fact that Kelly Hogan was not singing back up vocals and soon after Neko herself noted the much missed absence (Kelly released an album earlier this month called "I Like to Keep Myself in Pain"). Luckily, Kurt from The New Pornographers (and, we were told, all of the male members of the band) could sing a woman's soprano. Such nuggets of insight were littered throughout the show and I remembered that no one does between song banter like Ms. Neko Case.

She sang mostly from Middle Cyclone and Fox Confessor but we were able to hear several songs from her as yet to be released album and one acapella number that was so new the band didn't even know it. I was hoping for the Sparks cover from Middle Cyclone "Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth", but was at least happy she sang the Harry Nilsson cover "Don't Forget Me" and my personal favorite, "Hold On, Hold On". Overall this concert felt like a kickoff to summer and since it is actually the first day of summer, I thought this show needed to be posted.  

So Bad

 Breaking Bad's new and final season airs next month and I can't wait!

(pic by Stanley Chow via mymodernmet.com)

Letters

I was doing some home organization and found letters I wrote to myself throughout the years. I haven't picked up the practice since my last letter in 2006, but it was still kind of amusing to read:

The 1st letter was not dated, but written my sophomore year in high school as an assignment in one of my classes. The envelope read: To Riana Not to be Opened Until September 12, 2002

Dear Riana,
Pretty soon you'll be turning 16, and hopefully you'll graduate from high school. I hope that you did well on your A.C.T's and got accepted to tons of colleges. Well, since you're a senior now I hope your classes are really easy. And if you have a steady boyfriend DON'T GET MARRIED!! (this is actually double underlined)
In the future you can have a family and all that, but not now! I hope you're happy.
See ya

The 2nd letter is dated September 12, 2002 and inscribed "Not to be opened until September 12, 2005"

Dear Riana,
Today is your 18th birthday. It is the morning right now so I can't tell you if you enjoyed yourself or not today...The year is beginning but I have a feeling that it will seem to go by in a flash...Even if I don't really have a list like in A Walk to Remember, I wanna travel the world, learn a different language, see a Broadway musical in New York City, take up photography, learn how to fence...My list is a little bit longer than this but I have to start getting ready for school. Hope all is well in 3 years.

The 3rd letter is dated September 12, 2005 and "Not be opened until September 12, 2008"

Dear Riana,
I have always said that on my 24th birthday I would have found somebody to marry. Now I wonder if that assertion may have proved a little hasty. I can only really hope for a life full of meaning and purpose. If not to anyone else than to just me. Everything always seems so silly and unimportant when said out  loud. I feel this letter will be no different. Off the top of my head I can scarcely impart any goals with which to accomplish in the next three years that won't come off sounding naive or fruitless. I aspire only to that which is good, and whatever that implies. I may lead an imperfect life but I am content in my imperfect happiness. 

My last letter is dated 9/24/06 with no "To be opened" date (I actually didn't open this letter until today)

Dear Riana,
My journal entries are supposed to showcase the purpose for writing this letter. Whether it is just boredom or just a desire to punctuate who I am @ this moment. I felt it necessary to go ahead. I like the idea of little snapshots of time recorded before they're lost and forgotten no matter how small they seem to be.
My twenty-second birthday was last Tuesday. I spent it sitting on an airplane and fretting about whether or not I would find my flight or the right gate. This was my first business trip...kind of a letdown.
My life in general seems to be a lot different than I imagined. I always say that I don't know what I thought it would be but I know that's not really true. To be completely honest, I thought my life would be a lot shinier. I thought I would have a lot more things figured out. Love, career, money. I thought I would be less alone. I thought I would have traveled a lot more. I thought it would be different. I would be taller...
When I was in high school I had such set goals. Now that those goals have been accomplished I find myself w/out them. Goals. I still feel too young and unsettled to want to own a house, too unprepared to want a family of my own.
I'm a lot happier than this letter suggests. Confusion doesn't always mean unhappiness. The uncertainty would have been excruciating a few years ago but I feel I'm doing okay. 

Something Like Home

The husband and I drove up the canyon to take advantage of Whopper Wednesday. As I looked out the window into the valley below I felt possibility rush through me. I felt happy. For no real reason besides being exactly where I wanted to be with the exact person. Why does joy seem to only last for mere moments? How can I hold on to this feeling?

Dissent

Last week, I finally got around to watching Drive even though my sister warned me that she didn't like the movie AT ALL. The movie ended and I realized that not only did I disagree, but I was wholeheartedly behind the film. The strangeness of this occurrence didn't set in until yesterday when we were discussing Prometheus. She was enamored with the film and her love of Noomi Rapace was cemented. I enjoyed the grandeur of the beginning, but this waned when the movie got a little convoluted for my taste. Also, I couldn't share in the ardor for Dr. Elizabeth Shaw.

My sister and I are avid film watchers. It is not an exaggeration to say that we have probably watched thousands of movies together and not once has one sister disliked a movie while the other liked it or vice versa. I'm trying not to assign too much weight into this disconnect, but it makes me feel a little sad.

Luckily, we had a really wonderful discussion about our enjoyment (and moderate disappointment) for Snow White and the Huntsman. I suppose I should welcome the novelty of a cinematic debate. This is also making me realize that I could probably review more movies. Hmm.

Source: maduke.tumblr.com via Arlene on Pinterest

Plinking

Source: goo.gl via Colby on Pinterest

After a month of piano lessons, I am excited to say that I can play some songs and have them (mostly) sound like the song. Of course these are in the difficulty of  "A Shave and a Haircut" but I feel like I'm improving every day. I'm happy that my enthusiasm has sustained me so far. Hooray!

Où allez-vous?

There are many things I envy about my past self. So often I wonder if my memories betray the true reality of my youth. Many times, people will refer to bravery as challenging the fear, realizing that its present and accomplishing the task in spite of it. Are there merits to accomplishments if one is unafraid? Ofcourse. But will it mean more? Maybe.

I wanted to graduate from college quickly. I wanted to get my MBA. I wanted to become a financial planner. I wanted to write a novel.

I was successful at half of those things.

Today, I want to be a thoughtful person. I want to speak French when my family and I go to Europe in a year or two. I want to play Sia's "I'm in Here" on the piano and have it sound like Sia's "I'm in Here" on the piano. I want to write a novel I can be proud of. I want to eat healthier foods and remember to apply sunscreen. I want to be present. I want to be here. Right now. Exactly where I am.

Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that better than being afraid?

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