Call Me

Pretty sure this is how I spent all my down time throughout elementary school. Except instead of Robyn, we were more Selena/Mariah Carey crooners.




(via Vulture)

Curiouser

Source: kissssing.blogspot.com via Yashwina on Pinterest

When I was a child, I often thought wisdom opened locked doors into wonderful places. As I grew older, I realized this to be true, but I didn't know the openings would also lead to the entrances of more locked doors. So many in fact, sometimes I would wonder in the value of curiosity.

I haven't lost that inquisitiveness of my youth, but it has definitely slowed. I am choosing my hobbies more carefully, approaching adventures with caution. I can't seem to make up my mind whether or not this is a good thing. My husband and I will celebrate the five year anniversary of our first date next week. It seems strange and natural all at once. Where will I be for our ten year?

Civil

Last night the sis and I went to see The Civl Wars at The Depot. We even waited after the show and snagged a picture with Joy and John Paul.

Unfortunately, the picture came out red-eyed and blurry so I had to do some creative editing (limited iphoto knowledge being as it is) with the husband's mac. We left the show exhilarated and happy. My favorite thing about watching The Civil Wars is the sheer pleasure they radiate. They have such a mastery of their voices that it's simply another instrument to which they can play.

The intro for "To Whom it May Concern" had Joy placing her hand to her belly and sharing how excited she was for the new arrival in her life and how special it is to sing that song as the date approaches. She said different people have various interpretations of that song and I thought about what was mine.

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
How I do
I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently

I think of happiness. How that's the only thing you can think about when you're sad. Waiting for its arrival. Wondering what it will look like. How changed your life will be. I dunno. Maybe it's about a cute boy.

Food Envy

I was sulking over a bowl of canned soup and a bag of Cheetos tonight, a kind of culinary navel gazing wherein I felt put upon for the lot I was in. Didn't I just successfully make tea scones over the weekend? Wasn't it true that not even two months ago, I made a not only edible, but delicious pear gruyere pie? Too true, I think. Except with everything I make that requires the use of cooking equipment and more than three ingredients, I have familial supervision, if not wholehearted assistance at all times.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe one day I will cook a meal by myself with no watchful eye making sure I don't have a disaster. One day is not today, but maybe in the near future. I finished The Year of Magical Thinking tonight and marvel that John Gregory Dunne had ever wondered if his life was a waste. His measure being whether or not they were able to do the things they actually wanted. I share similar feelings. Is my life how I wished it would be? Do I get to do the things I want more than just the things I should? Not always. But quite often. Does this mean I have a happy life? Probably.

Magic

I'm hoping to finish The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion tomorrow. I'm enjoying it immensely while also carrying a persistent feeling that I am going to die. Luckily, I am not known for an accurate intuition. When describing the sudden illness that falls her daughter she says:

"...I had always at some level apprehended, because I was born fearful, that some events in life would remain beyond my ability to control or manage them. Some events would just happen. This was one of those events. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends."

She also quotes a line from a poem by  Manley Hopkins, "I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day."

Simple and perfect. I am often captured by tragedy, letting it pull me in and whisper its secrets. I try to remember every feeling, every thought, but pain tends to avoid traveling by word. This attraction made me a morose little kid, but it frees me as an adult. I can articulate my feelings a lot better. I can view challenges with better perspective now. Distance, even. I am not altogether cured, but I find I don't really want to be.

Cool

Upfront

The TV schedule for this upcoming season has been announced over these past few days and I can't help but think how the show I was most excited to see last year was a supreme disappointment. I won't say what it was, but I'm trying to reign in my excitement until the shows actually air in the fall.

Who am I kidding? Mindy Kaling had me at "I'm Sandy Bullock!"

New

Today marks my very first piano lesson and all I hope is that it goes better than my flute and violin lessons which preceded it. The key difference is that I actually want to practice and I am footing the entire bill for this musical education and not my mother so it might be more appreciated. Sorry, mom.

Although it's now halfway through the year, I still carry this silly hope that in 2012 I will be wiser. I want to try to be less afraid, more willing to find new adventures. I say silly only because I have a tendency to choose the path that keeps my feet firmly planted to the ground rather than catching a friendly breeze to see where it might take me. I suppose, I want to surprise myself. For the good.

Run

This past Saturday, I ran the Susan G Komen 5K race with my mom. My joints are still complaining from this decision but I'm going to file it under "Mother's day gift" and next time try to give my legs more of a heads up. I don't think a lot about how age will effect me, but I wonder if that shouldn't change.

My work launched a health and wellness campaign today and I think I'll use it as an excuse to focus on eating better, exercising and managing my stress. I know I'll probably never reach the carefree yogi I see among my peers in yoga class, gallivanting through Costa Rica to go bike riding and eating vegan, but I can improve. I can at least try.

Marvel

I adored watching Avengers and the first episode of Sherlock. I could have cheated and watched the series in New Zealand, but infrequent wifi kept me honest. 

As I was on my girl power high (after coming on board the Black Widow/Irene Adler love train), I read an article from Entertainment Weekly asking if the premiere of Sherlock wasn't a bit sexist. Suddenly I wondered if my feminist spidey senses carried one fatal flaw. Let's call it, the Whedon syndrome. 

Geeking out to the marvelous prowess, the enumerable cleverness of Stephen Moffat and Joss Whedon himself could occasionally cloud gender biases, but then I don't think so. It's kind of like my views on colorblindness. A person's gender and race DOES make them different, but the differences add to our character not detract. 

What makes Black Widow and Irene Adler interesting to me is that they are clever. They're resourceful. They actively participate in the game without losing who they are as women. Moffat and Whedon portray both with such great skill. I'm excited to see more from both. 

 

Avenge

A couple nights ago, I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer's "Once More with Feeling" as my husband puts it "to cheer you up from failing at knitting". Okay, he said it nicer than that, but that's the way it sounded. And of course, the jokers have to tempt me with "Tabula Rasa" right after...In other words, I am more than ready to get my Avengers on tomorrow!