Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Waiting for Fall


I can see fall on the horizon, my favorite season, even amidst this blistering weather. I've been trying to find good podcasts lately; ploughed through This American Life and Freakonomics, listened to Alec Baldwin's Here's the Thing. I'm realling digging A Way With Words with author, Martha Barnette and lexicographer, Grant Barrett. They talk about language, grammar, colloquialisms, etymology etc. Nerd meet fellow nerds. Which brings me back to fall again. Love the change in the weather, comfy sweaters, pretty new boots and coats, the start of a new school year, Oktoberfest and my birthday. Can't wait.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Swimming

It is almost always the small things that seem to change my whole day. My RSS feed picked up this link to a video created from an excerpt of a David Foster Wallace commencement address (#iheartswiss miss). After being frightened off by the gajillion page Infinite Jest, I feel like I might just try again. Today, in the 108 degree weather, the power momentarily stalling the Trax train I was on to go home (and with that the air conditioning) and the pathetic lunch of packaged Udon noodles and bruised banana, I had a lot of material with which I could feel particularly sorry for myself. But I got home after a very long day, happy for the start of the weekend, greeted by a very cool apartment and yesterday's leftovers from Pat's BBQ. 



And I think, this is water. There was a comment on Tina's website that wondered if the video's message changed because the speaker committed suicide. I don't think it does at all. The message says life is hard and more than that, life is boring and tedious and frustrating. Choosing to find meaning, to find reasons why or why not, gives power. It gives freedom. Ofcourse, Doctor Who says it best:



And then they go to the museum and Amy can't understand why, after all of that, Vincent still kills himself: it's not naive to see the good things. Not hopeless either. Sometimes, it's the only thing you can do.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Titus

Sometimes I wonder if people see me, see the person I would like to be or just the person who's trying. It's exhausting to live up to this imagined person, who looks awfully similar, sounds about the same, and may or may not smell nicer.

Meanwhile, I'm still plugging along, a little delusion in my time management juggling, but keeping my ahead above water.

This vid made me un-naturally happy and inspired:

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Play

Pic of my (brave?) lil' sis jumping off a waterfall into 5ft of water

In my early years of elementary school I learned two things. I would be taught how to mail a letter and how to tell time.

Around middle school, I learned that in a few years I would be taught how to drive.

These three lessons stick out in my mind because, for whatever reason, I had this tremulous conviction that I would be terrible at all three things. Nothing real led me to believe this would be the case, but I approached all three tasks with dread, certain I was doomed for failure, wondering if I would be less of a person if I didn't try at all.

Thankfully, I can send mail without trouble. I can tell time. I can also drive reasonably well (and only occasionally get sympathetic stares when parallel parking).

A few months ago, my piano teacher informed me that there would be a recital for all of her students. Surely I was not part of this inclusion, I said to her with my eyes and my face. Not hearing me in this mode of conversation, she told me I could do a duet with the husband AND I could do the left side of the duet so people wouldn't even see me!

I thought this through, and immediately regretted acquiescing to her request.

Today was the recital, and though the husband and I were the only students over the age of fourteen, we did pretty well. Only two pretty negligible mistakes from me and one even less noticeable mistake from the husband.

There has been a lot of change going on in my life these past few months. I have been afraid. I have been anxious. I have wondered how things will possibly turn out okay.

And then they just do. Not always in the way I want. Not nearly as successfully as I hope. But they just do.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Surprise

I had every intention of posting sooner, even sooner TODAY than right now, but one of my favorite bloggers, Liz of the The Park Bench has returned from a two year hiatus and I pretty much had to stop everything I was doing and read every post she had up until today. Also, I've been listening to "These Words" by Jill Andrews on repeat and it's created a weird kind of sad/happy/wistful/sleepy feeling in me.

On principle, I hate surprises and their dumb tendency to sneak up on a person completely unawares. But these are nice surprises. (Song starts at 3:40)

Monday, February 11, 2013

Moonrise Kingdom


I've been enjoying Vulture's feature called "The Toughest Scene I Wrote" where the screenwriters of some of the most notable films in 2012 explain the backstory on what they considered the most difficult scene to write of their film.

I was happy to see today's installment was Roman Coppola discussing Moonrise Kingdom. I watched the film with my sisters last week. When it was over, I asked them if they liked it and their response was, "We know you did since you were grinning like a dope for, like, the whole movie."

It is true. There was a lot of grinning. The production values alone were enough to emit an upward turning of the mouth. Add a cast that includes a 12 year old Lana Del Rey-esque loner who knows her way around a pair of safety scissors, Ed Norton in khaki shorts, husband and wife attorneys: Francis McDormand and Bill Murray, SWINTON, Max Fischer flashbacks in scout uniform, an officiating Jason Schwartzman, a non irritating narrator and Bruce Willis.

So many things to love.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

New Shoes

I felt weird and blue today. In this situation, I tried the obvious tactics to cheer me up. I went to 6AM yoga. I came home and pestered the husband until he woke up to make me breakfast. I wore my favorite striped shirt. I did my hair. I put make up on my face. I ate a bunch of fun size Laffy Taffys. I wandered the mall testing out perfume and eating a pretzel. I filed my taxes. I am currently listening to Janet Jackson Pandora. And still...

All these years of introversion have created a false sense that if I sit very still, if I am very quiet, bad things will pass by me equally quiet, work schedules and responsibilities won't notice I am there and go away or absorb through me, gradually and without pain.

These past few days, I've had She and Him's "Brand New Shoes" stuck in my head.
I am reminding myself that the dread of the future isn't ever as terrible as I think it will be. The stillness that I cling to is sometimes only the bad part of it.

Austenland



Our last Sundance screening was last Saturday's Austenland. It was a perfect cap to our Sundance year. Fun, light and (since we waitlisted) a healthy mix of anxiety and excitement. The movie was funny and silly and Keri Russell emotes so well with just a flicker in her eye. Tyra, what? It was also great to see the little bit they did during the credits.

The movie will be released in the summer and I can't wait to see Jennifer Coolidge, Bret McKenzie, James Callis, Georgia King and ofcourse Keri again.


Saturday, January 26, 2013

Before Midnight


Source: movieline.com via Riana on Pinterest


Before Midnight was the most anticipated movie on my Sundance roster, and it did not disappoint. The third chapter of Richard Linklater's Before series brings back Celine and Jesse (Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) this time in Greece. It's been nineteen years since they first met on that train. They're still the same people, reacting to different events. Growing older. Adjusting to the passage of time differently in their early 40s than they did in their early 30s (I was slightly surprised this one came with more humor than the first two films combined, surprised and pleased). 

Spoilers after the jump...

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Breathe In

Mike Birbiglia describes love as having a secret, special skill that no one knows about and eventually you meet someone who's like "You have a secret special skill!" And you're like, "I know! So do you!" And they're like, "I know!" And then you're like, "we should eat pizza ice cream together". And that's what love is, a mountain of pizza ice cream and delusion.

I think this also applies to movies. Sometimes you watch a movie and it speaks to you in a way you can't quite describe. Like Crazy was kind of like that for me. For days after I watched the film, I couldn't quite conceptualize why I liked it, only that I did. I could only say, "I just got it."

Breathe In is a follow up to Like Crazy. Kind of. Different film, but with contributions from Drake Doremus (director), Felicity Jones (star), Ben York Jones (writer) and Dustin O'Halloran (composer). The plot is different, but the tone is similar as well as the style.

Sophie (Felicity Jones) is a foreign exchange student, spending a semester of her senior year in upstate New York with the Reynolds family, dad (Guy Pierce), mom (Amy Ryan) and daughter, Lauren (Mackenzie Davis). The decision to come is an impetuous one and Sophie begins her trip homesick and stoic. After a few days, she connects with Guy Pierce's character and they realize they're both wishing for a different life.

There's a strong musical element that played like another character in the film. Guy Pierce learned to play the cello and it was astonishing how comfortable he was. Felicity played the piano and though it wasn't confirmed in the Q&A, it seemed like the playing was all her. Impressive.

It's alluring to have a cute 18-year old Brit talk about wanting to choose her life. Not doing something out of necessity. Not being an idle player. When Guy is talking to Amy about moving into the city if his cello audition goes well, it's obvious that they both have very different ideas about their future. Life is hard enough without our own intervention, but sometimes the silence of not doing something because we're fearful is the greater tragedy. I was absolutely sucked in.

Monday, January 21, 2013

A Bit Touchy

On Saturday, my sisters and I went to our first Sundance screening of the year, Touchy Feely. Though we had loved last year's Your Sister's Sister, the movie was a disappointment. We did our usual movie breakdown/technical analysis of what we found lacking and then all of a sudden, we stopped. I forget who brought this up, but as a kind of pulling back the curtain we thought: Making a movie is hard. There are so many details that go into it, so many factors that can't be controlled. It's a marvel when a movie comes together at all. A miracle when it's brilliant or thoughtful or moving.

Touchy Feely is a film about two adult siblings. The sister (Abby), played by Rosemarie Dewitt and the brother, played by Josh Pais start out as polar opposites that then throughout the film switch roles in a sense. One is an uptight dentist whose favorite place in the whole world is the back office of his dental practice looking at x-rays of teeth. The other is a masseuse who has misgivings over moving in with her (initial) rebound cyclist boyfriend because doing so might "put her in a cage".

For reasons unknown, Abby develops an aversion to touch and she spends most of the movie slowly shutting down. While her brother finds a kind of awakening when his struggling practice picks up. He is, uncomfortably at first, lauded as a TMJ healer. The praise motivates him to study Reiki and his story was my favorite part of the film. The humor and discovery made Abby's story suffer in comparison. Have we learned nothing from season 2 of Everwood and Amy's bangs of sadness? Depression is a real and serious problem that effects millions of people, but it is generally boring on film.

Random side note: Abby's depression pajama bottoms are owned by my sister and she says you can buy them at Target on sale.

Also, Ellen Page has a storyline too. And she is MISERABLE. Or so her hair, bags under her eyes, and quavering voice would suggest.

I am going to try recapping all of the films I'll be seeing at Sundance, but with my softball criticism approach this year, I'll have to see how it goes.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

You Feel Me?

Okay, internets. There's been a bunch of monologue-ing going on. T. Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" music video. JT getting back into the game. Maybe. Two More Days and Counting!

If feels like I should be complaining about all of the celebrity introspection, especially when I want to just hear a song already, but I'm finding it doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. Am I maturing? 20-13! 20-13!

Possibly. I had a conversation with my sister about movies that lean toward silences over dialogue versus those that are dialogue-heavy. Versus is the wrong word. My second favorite movie of all time, Before Sunset is all dialogue. The small mannerisms, the European setting, the fluid camera work all accentuate the words between Jesse and Celine. Two people connect through conversation and it is wonderful.

Drive is about silences and mystery. The driver doesn't have a name or a background. He connects with a young mother in his building but their conversations are sparse. He sees a future less bleak, less lonely. But when the mother's husband returns home from prison, that future goes away. Ryan Gosling kicked serious trash in that movie.

I admire both films for what they do, maybe giving Drive the slight edge (though not as beloved). I love words so much. I love the power they possess, but I have found there is power in silence. There are things that can be conveyed just as well, if not better in a small smile, a haggard breath, a lowering of one's gaze. I am trying to make my stories less florid, more affecting. I hope to be successful this year.