New Shoes

I felt weird and blue today. In this situation, I tried the obvious tactics to cheer me up. I went to 6AM yoga. I came home and pestered the husband until he woke up to make me breakfast. I wore my favorite striped shirt. I did my hair. I put make up on my face. I ate a bunch of fun size Laffy Taffys. I wandered the mall testing out perfume and eating a pretzel. I filed my taxes. I am currently listening to Janet Jackson Pandora. And still...

All these years of introversion have created a false sense that if I sit very still, if I am very quiet, bad things will pass by me equally quiet, work schedules and responsibilities won't notice I am there and go away or absorb through me, gradually and without pain.

These past few days, I've had She and Him's "Brand New Shoes" stuck in my head.
I am reminding myself that the dread of the future isn't ever as terrible as I think it will be. The stillness that I cling to is sometimes only the bad part of it.