Work

Although I adore the original, I have been inexplicably obsessed with Maxwell's cover of Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work". I always gravitate towards sad songs, but this song doesn't make me hurt. It makes me feel warm and comforted. It articulates what love feels like for me, not just the words. I marvel at how I fell so completely in love when my predilection leans closer to solitude and fear. I am amazed at the capacity my love could swell over the years. Love doesn't expel the fear or the solitude. It doesn't extinguish loneliness. My flaws, my cracks are still apparent, but love fills me. It consumes and shapes and I find I am more of the person I want to be in this love.

 

24

In Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close terms the 24^th of July is my “worst day”. Another one passed and I tried a different approach this year, namely indulging in Pie and Beer Day. My sweet husband left work early and made me a delicious pear gruyere pie as inspired by Pushing Daisies.

I also went to see Begin Again which I wished I would have liked more. The critique of the music industry was a little too preachy for me and it was hard not to wonder if John Carney was a little resentful over his Once success. Plus, Keira Knightley is a wonderful actress, but I wasn't entirely sold on her singing voice. Maybe the songs needn't have pushed me into making unfair Marketa Irglova comparisons?

The one bright spot of the movie was when, in a drunken pity party of two (with the amazing James Corden), Keira Knightley's character, Gretta writes a sad love song and leaves it on her ex's voicemail. In the last line, her voice catches and her pain is so clear. The sincerity and earnestness I was hoping to see throughout the movie is there in that one moment. The song is called "Like a Fool" and I encourage you to skip the movie and watch the clip on YouTube. Hmm, maybe that's too harsh? Maybe, wait until the movie's on Netflix? 

Fringe

I am bingeing hard on Fringe right now. I can't say why I never watched it when it was on the air, but given the lukewarm Alan Sepinwall reaction it's not too surprising. After the stress case I've been this first half of the year, I needed this show. John Noble's performance as Walter Bishop is so great as is his relationship with his son, Peter played by Joshua Jackson. It also feeds into my intense Pacey Witter crush of yesteryear. I would be remiss to exclude Anna Torv, as Olivia. She kicks trash, saves the day, saves herself, and saves the world.

I don't mind so much living in my small universe with the small group of people that I love and that love me. It doesn't feel so bad or absent or lacking in something more shiny. In short, it is the complete opposite feeling from the time I binge watched Battlestar Galactica and thought the universe was doomed and there was no point to life. I can't say that all this TV watching has helped my writing, nor do I know what I'll be occupying my time with once I finish these last few episodes of the series. I hope  I can hold on to this feeling that I'm okay for as long as I can.

Dreaming

I went to see Lauryn Hill at the Twilight Concert Series this past Thursday. This was the second time I have seen her live. Though the heavy winds and rain threatened, it was wonderful to see this R&B angel in white give me a surge of nostalgia that was the musical background at a particularly difficult time in my life.

I am resigned to the fact that I'm a wistful person. But I wonder if I rely too heavily on nostalgia, on the past. It sometimes makes it harder to feel things in the present. To be present, I guess. I've had Sam Smith's cover of Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know" on heavy rotation. A sweet twist on another nostalgic favorite. The longing is so beautiful.

Faults

I hadn't intended to, but I watched The Fault in Our Stars over the weekend. This was basically the superbowl of weepy teen movies. And I have always had a slippery hold on my emotions especially when showcased through the lens of cinematic introspection.

I went as a means of distraction and bawled my way through it. Hazel and Gus meet at a cancer support group and fall in love. They are sixteen and everything about their story seems so very short.

Along with the general weepiness, the ATX Festival had an Everwood reunion yesterday and I was immediately brought back to my favorite TV show. I'm pretty sure nostalgia will keep me from loving any other television show with the same fervor. Andy and Ephram Brown. A grieving husband who wants to love his two kids but never really tried before to even know them. His distance has made his son a stranger, but there's still hope. Still love. Man, creator Greg Berlanti can make me cry like no boy has ever done.

To Live and Love

I saw Only Lovers Left Alive yesterday. So many feels. Two vampires played by Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton (Adam and Eve). The movie starts with a spinning record and I was hooked. What is life if it's not finite? How does it stay precious? How do you keep going? Eve has lived for thousands of years. Adam only hundreds. He refers to man as zombies and I wonder how apt the description can be. Yet there is Eve, his companion in everything, pointing out the ebbs and flows of humanity. She is enlivened by the survival. She touches objects and defines their place in the world. She is literally surrounded by words. The film is consuming and wonderful.

Trophy

Although it took me awhile to get into it (the title is inexplicably bad), I was sad to hear that Trophy Wife got cancelled. It was silly and corny and funny and sweet. All these weirdos seemed to genuinely care about it each other and the humor was ridiculously on point for me.

There are a lot of shows in the new TV season that I'm excited to give a chance, but this loss made me the saddest.